OBS POST #47: Being a Mensch
Timeless Values in the Modern World
Editor's Note:
After writing about Cupid's apparent demise in the last issue of OBS Post, I was determined to trigger a positive response in society. It is not okay to sit on the sidelines and just bitch about the woes of society when those woes are wrought by one's own hands. By this I mean we are responsible for where we are currently at in this not so civilized society. And if we are ultimately responsible then we are compelled to do something about it. No?
And if we want to do something about it, then we must get off our collective arses and start! The current state of society demands that we as part of the population of planet earth have a responsibility to patch up our differences and forge ahead to improve humanity. At least, that is what this humble writer thinks. And then I had a curious thought – I wondered what a Gentleman or Gentlewoman would do. What would a gentlemanly or gentlewomanly approach be? Why choose gentleperson as my new Cupid or new revolutionary? Why not? Afterall, gentlefolk are or should be renown in polite society. But we are dealing with an anything but polite society. We are dealing with a rather hedonistic one if you ask me.
Not too long ago, I held the door open for a man and a woman and they both thanked me for being a Gentleman. Interestingly enough there was another set of doors and this time the woman held them open for me. I thanked her and we all went about our day.
I think it is past time to take a deep dive into what it takes to be a person of genuine character in these perilous times. Has this concept become obsolete, or does it represent something timeless that transcends changing social norms?
Lv
Larry
Beyond Gentlefolk: Finding the Right Term
The words "gentleman" and "gentlewoman" have histories that deserve examination. Back in the 13th century, a "gentleman" wasn't about behavior at all—it was strictly about bloodlines. You were either born gentle (meaning nobility) or you weren't. End of story. "Gentlewoman" followed the same exclusionary pattern—a term reserved for women of "good breeding" as they liked to call it.
Fast forward through the centuries, and something remarkable happened. These terms leaked out of their aristocratic containers. By the Victorian era, being a "gentleman" had less to do with your family tree and more to do with your character. The same transformation happened with "gentlewoman," though more slowly and against greater resistance.
Yet even as these terms evolved, they remained somewhat bound to their origins—carrying lingering associations with class, gender roles, and superficial manners. The more I reflect on what we truly need in today's society, the more I realize we require a term that cuts straight to the essence without this historical baggage.
That's when it hit me: Mensch. This Yiddish word perfectly captures what I'm talking about. A Mensch is a person of integrity and honor; someone who is kind, considerate, and responsible. It has nothing to do with class, gender, or adherence to arbitrary social codes. It's purely about character and how one treats others. In Yiddish culture, a "Mensch" represents not just any person, but a person of integrity and honor, someone who embodies the highest virtues of what it means to be human.
There is no higher praise than to be called a Mensch. It means you are a fully realized human being who understands their responsibility to others. The term transcends the limitations of "gentleman" or "gentlewoman" while preserving their most valuable qualities. It represents exactly the kind of person our troubled world desperately needs.
Care and Compassion: The True Mensch's Core
Strip away all the superficial trappings of traditional gentility, the elaborate etiquette, the class signifiers, the gender expectations—and what remains at the core? Care and compassion. That's it. That's what makes a Mensch.
A Mensch is not defined by their wardrobe or their familiarity with which fork to use for the fish course. They're defined by an orientation toward others that manifests as an intrinsic desire to help. Not for show, not for advantage, not for social media likes—but because alleviating another person's difficulties is simply the right thing to do.
When a Mensch holds a door or offers assistance to a stranger, these aren't performances of outdated etiquette. They're expressions of a fundamental commitment to others' wellbeing. In a world where "me first" has become the default setting, the Mensch stands apart through genuine concern for those around them.
This compassion is not reserved for special occasions or particular people. It's not about helping only those who might benefit you later or those you find attractive or those who share your politics. It permeates every interaction and extends to everyone. That's what makes it revolutionary in our tribal times.
The Mensch in Modern Times
Today's Mensch understands something crucial: respect is universal. They treat everyone with equal dignity regardless of gender, race, age, or social status. They offer assistance where it might help, not out of obligation to rigid social codes, but from attentiveness to others' needs.
The contemporary Mensch recognizes that respecting others means honoring their agency and capabilities. They understand that true courtesy isn't about performing gestures but about acknowledging each person's inherent worth. A Mensch sees people, not categories.
Emotional intelligence distinguishes the modern Mensch. They're in touch with their own feelings and responsive to others'. They don't hide behind outdated notions that equate emotion with weakness. Instead, they understand that genuine strength includes vulnerability and empathy. A Mensch can be both strong and gentle, assertive, and kind.
Most importantly, today's Mensch brings their values into digital spaces where civility has taken its worst beating. They maintain the same integrity online as in physical interactions. They don't use anonymity to act disrespectfully, spread misinformation, or tear others down. Their compassion extends to how they engage in social media, comments sections, and other virtual realms. They understand that words typed on a keyboard can wound just as deeply as those spoken face to face.
Practical Expressions of Being a Mensch
So, what does this look like in practice? Being a Mensch today means:
Being fully present, putting away your damn phone during conversations and giving people your undivided attention. Nothing says "you don't matter to me" quite like checking your notifications while someone is speaking to you.
Communicating thoughtfully, choosing words that elevate rather than diminish. Understanding that how we speak to others reflects our respect for their dignity. This doesn't mean you can't disagree strongly; it means you do so without attacking someone's worth as a human being.
Keeping your word, in an era where commitments often feel optional, a Mensch's promise means something. If you say you'll do something, you do it. If circumstances prevent it, you communicate promptly and honestly.
Respecting boundaries—being attentive to verbal and non-verbal cues that indicate someone's comfort level. Never pressuring others into uncomfortable situations. Understanding that "no" is a complete sentence that requires no justification.
Standing up for those facing unfairness—using your voice and position to support those being treated unjustly. Compassion sometimes requires courage, and a true Mensch doesn't remain silent in the face of cruelty or discrimination.
Apologizing sincerely when wrong—a Mensch acknowledges their mistakes without excuses or qualifications. They understand that "I'm sorry, but..." isn't really an apology at all.
Expressing gratitude, thanking others for their time, efforts, and kindness. Recognizing that appreciation never goes out of style and costs nothing to give.
Continuing to learn and grow—understanding that social awareness evolves, and staying open to new perspectives on how respect can be d. A Mensch's education never ends.
The Essential Question
What strikes me most about being a Mensch is how its essence has remained constant across cultures and eras. At its heart, being a Mensch has always centered on one fundamental question: "How will my actions affect others?"
This question—this mindfulness of one's impact—is what separates the Mensch from those moving through the world with indifference to those around them. The Mensch asks: "How will my words make others feel? How will my actions affect those in my vicinity? Am I contributing positively to this space, this conversation, this relationship?"
This attentiveness, this care for others' experiences, what makes the concept of a Mensch as relevant today as ever. In fact, I'd argue it's more relevant now than at any time in recent memory. In our increasingly disconnected world, choosing to be mindful of how we affect others is both countercultural and desperately needed.
A Revolution of Character
Being a Mensch today isn't about performing outdated rituals or adhering to rigid social roles. It's about making a personal choice to move through the world with integrity, consideration, and respect—qualities that make our shared spaces more dignified and kind.
What's powerful about the concept of a Mensch is that it's freed from historical limitations. It's not about maintaining class distinctions or reinforcing hierarchies. Instead, it's about embracing timeless human values that enhance our collective experience.
The Mensch hasn't become obsolete in our modern world. If anything, the mindfulness, and consideration that define them are more essential than ever in our era of distraction and disconnection. As social structures rapidly evolve, the core values of care and compassion remain constant North Stars guiding how we interact with one another.
That exchange of door-holding I mentioned earlier wasn't following an outdated code. It was expressing something timeless—the simple human recognition that we affect each other, and that through small acts of care, we create a more humane world.
And that’s the most important thing to understand about being a Mensch: it's not about adhering to a list of rules or playing a social role. It's about embodying care and compassion in a world that desperately needs more of both.
What if the revolution we need isn't political at all, but a revolution of character? What if the most radical act in our self-absorbed age is simply to be a Mensch—to put others first, to speak and act with compassion, to care deeply about the impact we have on those around us?
I believe it's time to reclaim and reimagine what it means to be a Mensch for the 21st century. Not as some dusty cultural relic, but as a vibrant, vital force for positive change in our troubled times. The world doesn't need more influencers, celebrities, or politicians. It needs more Mensches—people committed to creating a more civil, compassionate society one interaction at a time.
Awesome!
Thanks, Larry. This is much needed. It perfectly describes a dear friend I just lost. Blessings.
"What strikes me most about being a Mensch is how its essence has remained constant across cultures and eras. At its heart, being a Mensch has always centered on one fundamental question: "How will my actions affect others?"
This question—this mindfulness of one's impact—is what separates the Mensch from those moving through the world with indifference to those around them. "